Duck Dynasty: Battle of the Beards: Redneckify Yourself
Nov 11, 2013 5:00 AM PT
Duck Dynasty: Battle of the Beards by A&E Television Networks Mobile is available in the iTunes App Store for US$0.99.
Duck Dynasty is an American reality television series on A&E featuring a band of redneck family men who sport ratty beards.
They became wealthy by making the popular duck call, Duck Commander, and the reality show itself? It's a wild phenomenon -- the fourth season premiere snagged a whopping 11.8 million viewers.
I've seen bits and pieces here and there, and I can't say I'm a true fan, but when I saw that the show had created a No. 1 paid app game in the iTunes App Store, I had to take a closer look.
After all, how does a reality show about rich redneck duck call makers turn into a leading iOS app?
The Duck Dynasty Game
The premise is that you start out playing as a Bluetooth-earpiece-wearing, clean-shaven businessman, and as you immerse yourself in the ruckus hunting-and-eating-what-you-kill lifestyle of the Louisiana backwoods Robertson men, you'll transform into a redneck -- fully camouflaged, long-haired, with a bandana and a wild beard.The game's fast-paced tone is clear: Being a yuppie is bad, but don't worry, as you play the game, you'll transform into a more desirable human: bearded.
The game play is a series of rapid-fire micro-challenges set in levels. For instance, you might start by blasting ducks out of the air by tapping on them as they fly quickly across your screen.
You'll also grab frogs and throw them into a bucket, and if you're successful, get treated to an "eat what you kill" screen that shows frog legs sticking out of a pie.
In other micro-games, you have to quickly flick donuts -- or hot chili peppers -- into the mouth of one of the bearded brothers.
In another, you might hunt deer and then hit the factory to slap packing tape on boxes of customer Duck Commander shipments.
Oh, by the way, you have to quickly assemble duck calls, too.
Did I mention beaver dams? You get to blow them up.
As you complete these micro-games -- which come at you one after another in a rapid fire pace of pure hairy adrenaline -- you get to level up, which means you get to dress your redneck self.
Dressing your redneck self? Well, it sure seems a lot less manly as I type it out for this review than it did when I was choosing my shirt in the game.
Whoa. I just shivered. I'm a grown man talking about dressing myself in an iPad game. Sheesh.
Meanwhile, each time you level up, your hair gets longer, your beard grows, and you go from looking like an idiot "yuppie" to a disheveled but manly man capable of hanging with the Robertsons.
The Redneck Store
Of course, you can purchase coins and oil and other elements of commerce so you can buy more redneck gear and clothing in the redneck store -- or you can simply keep playing the game to earn coins and level up into a bigger beard and spend your hard-earned coins on new clothes and gear.
The best way to spend your coins, however, is on unlocking the Robertson men characters via the Beard Talk section. You can get life lesson advice from Phil that comes from quotes from the show -- things like, "We have a problem, Houston. But it ain't nothin' a chain saw won't fix."
Or you can get "sound business advice" from Willie, the CEO of the business, and so forth.
I'm sure that Duck Dynasty fans will get -- and appreciate -- a gob of insider jokes as well as revel in the game's tone and mannerisms.
All in all, Duck Dynasty: Battle of the Beards is a fun diversion. It has a goofy cartoonish feel that doesn't give you enough time to question it -- because you're busy catching fish or grabbing berries instead of raccoon droppings. And your wild and possibly smelly beard? Surprisingly satisfying.